Puppy Love

Monday 12 December, 2011 at 5:17 pm wandab 100

I don’t know whether it is the season, because it’s the end of the year or what the reason is, but since October I have found myself surrounded by young people who have been through awfully sad break-ups, some even cruel and thoughtless. I have watched from a distance in some cases and in others […]

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I don’t know whether it is the season, because it’s the end of the year or what the reason is, but since October I have found myself surrounded by young people who have been through awfully sad break-ups, some even cruel and thoughtless. I have watched from a distance in some cases and in others I have been a little too close for comfort. Despite not being involved first hand I found myself saddened by their loss, their cruelty to each other and even the dismissal of their deep seated feelings by some adults and so-called support systems around them. Young people spend a great deal of time thinking about, talking about, and being in romantic relationships (Furman, 2002), yet adults typically dismiss adolescent dating relationships as superficial. Puppy love, young love…whatever it’s called is irrelevant, because the feelings

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stirred up, created and experienced in any relationship, young or old, temporary or permanent, can set the tone for relationships to follow and can have profound effects on those involved for a very long time. So, although most adolescent relationships often only last for only a few weeks or months, these early relationships play an important role in the lives of teens and are important to developing the capacity for long-term, committed relationships in adulthood. Barber & Eccles, 2003 suggested that the quality of adolescent romantic relationships can have long lasting effects on self-esteem and shape personal values regarding romance, intimate relationships, and sexuality. Watching the dire effects of unrequited love, the hurt, the feelings of rejection often coupled by the dismissal of these feelings, I have to say that I wholeheartedly agree. But even with this point of view about relationships I find myself perplexed by the question: When is a relationship supposed to be taken seriously…not only by those involved, i.e. the teens in this case, but even by the people around them, including parents, friends, peers, teachers, etc.? My answer: Every relationship should be taken seriously, not because it suggests that the couple will ultimately get married, but because every relationship deserves respect and validation. I am not a relationship expert in any sense of the word…not by a long shot, so I am definitely not going to be giving any advise on the topic! However, I am passionate about teens and find myself constantly mind-boggled by the way in which their feelings, thoughts and beliefs are often dismissed, mainly because of their age but also because it often differs from those around them and those around them simply don’t feel comfortable dealing with the level of intensity teens approach

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life with. One of the best examples of the latter probably has to be centred around the topic of teen relationships. Just because an adult had a “bad experience” of young love in their adolescence or doesn’t agree with their teen’s choices, does not

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automatically suggest that it will inevitably be the same for their teen child or that the choice is necessarily the wrong choice for the teen. But, somehow the adult’s frame of reference and their subsequent discomfort from their own past experiences seem to set the tone for many adult-teen discussions about teen relationships. Ironically actually emphasizing the impact and lasting impression an adolescent relationship can have on a person! Unfortunately, these seemingly judgmental conversations then become moot because the teen feels judged, criticized, dismissed and subsequently shuts any further communication about the topic off, leaving the adolescent to walk the journey alone and unsupported and the adult feeling frustrated. Romantic relationships are and will always remain at the center of teens’ lives, providing formative experiences that can positively and negatively shape their long-term development. I really believe that the people surrounding an adolescent who is in a relationship or who has just come out of a relationship, have an important job to do: We need to be their biggest fan, their biggest means of support! We need to realize that no matter if the relationship is the teen’s first or if it only lasted a short period of time, fact remains it is important and very real to them and deserves validation. The pain following a break-up therefore is also very real and allowing them to express their hurt, their sadness and their anger, even if it occasionally becomes somewhat irrational and overly dramatic (like overeating, crying excessively, etc.), as well as listening,

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listening and listening and sharing, will show the necessary support to help teens to deal with the difficult time a

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little easier and hopefully a little healthier. For some people, their first love is someone they lose quickly but remember forever. For others, their high school crush may be the person they end up spending their life with. Whichever holds true,

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opportunity for adults to share their values with their teen and get them started on the right path toward feeling the joy and meaning of lasting love. I know I have not yet mastered all of this with my teens and I am still learning about relationships,

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love and everything that goes along with it every single day, but I am completely convinced that young love is an incredibly important cornerstone of relationships and sets the tone for relationships to follow throughout a person’s life. So, although I don’t necessarily agree with their choice of partner or even some of their behaviours and reactions within their relationship, I will continue to try to validate their relationships, respect their choices and I will definitely keep listening! What do you think about teen relationships, “puppy love”? Share your thoughts and opinions.cheap levitra uk


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  • Brad says:

    Teens love is not just a traumatic time but also an experiential ,exciting time. I think an important element to consider is the needs that are being met and tested during this time period. Our needs are powerful motivators and I recall, looking back, not having a clue about their value. To be in love or lust was complicated , exciting and painful but it was essential. It was a time to mash through the essential needs and get more in touch with what was worthwhile. It was certainly a struggle though. We all want to feel love, appreciated, recognised, validated, affirmed etc. and there is nothing more important than acknowledgement of these things by the opposite sex. When this does not occur or is damaged, it can have long lasting consequences. Granted, it is not as simple as that but the basics are – we want to love, feel love and be loved. During adolescences it is no longer our parents and family love that is enough. It is a topic that has many facets of discussion but in the end, in the words of the iconic Freddie Mercury ” Can anybody find me someone to love”

    • wandab says:

      Thanks for that Brad, important points added to think about. It’s really kind of sad that teen relationships are not supported more and criticized less. Perhaps if we as adults are able to give more support and guidance, etc instead of trying to enfore our opinions and ideas and perhaps more importantly our fears and past hurt, we could assist not only in enhancing long lasting relationships but in improving interpersonal relationships altogether. Keep visiting the blog and sharing your opinions. Look forward to hearing from you!

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